She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize