mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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