i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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