So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
