Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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