guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Even my vagina gasped.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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