I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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