You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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