after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
