You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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