Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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