Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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