she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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