im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
