Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
