Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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