Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
