i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
