I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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