Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
