sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
