I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize