the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Randomize
