Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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