I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
the raccoons are back...
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