We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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