I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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