she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
