Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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