Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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