My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
