Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
