After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize