If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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