Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
