:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
