I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
