So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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