Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
