to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I need to stop coming to work sober
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
