Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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