I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize