Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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