is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
