Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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