eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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