We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
