Christians are straight up FREAKS
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
