I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
