My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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