I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
