You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
