I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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