She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize