its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
