how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
