i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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