This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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