evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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