I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
