I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
50% drunk capacity currently
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
