We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
