is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
