he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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