and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
