im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
