God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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