Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
