he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
