she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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