i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
