You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
