I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
