Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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