Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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