I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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