NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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